Comments:

Andy - 2007-09-22 18:14:09
Hey Jake, I gotta tell you a couple things before I pst an entry, if time doesn't run out here at the library. First off, I want you to know that yours is pretty much the only diary I find myself making time to read anymore. I have had so many problems, and I have made so many mistakes in life, that all I want in the morning is to read Old Jake over morning coffee, just to know that I'll be getting the Word of God, and some reasonable elaboration thereof. Secondly, I gotta tell you that I was in the worst possible state of mind, I mean spiritually. Do you remember when earlier I announced that I was "no longer a Christian?" Well, of course, that didn't last too long, and once I returned to Christ, my relationship with Him was strengthened. But now, although I cannot blame Him in any possible way for the errors that I myself have made, and continue to make; I find myself wishing two things in confusing simultaneity: (1) That He would simply take me Home, where there is no longer any curse, nor sorrow, and we will need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives us light. And there, we shall reigh forever and ever. (2) Lacking the faith that He'll take me right away, even upon request, as it is in his Wisdom to know what time a man will go, and as it is written in Ecclesiastes: "No man knoweth when his time cometh;" I find myself again wanting to turn completely away from Christ completely, even to the point of feeling as though I ought to be siding with the devil. The new pastor at my church actually discussed this very phenomenon in a talk he was giving, though having no idea I had ever struggled with this same phenomenon. People choose to "turn away" (although, like Faust, they might ultimately be saved); and I find that I have reached the point at which either God's blessings have been utterly denited and are so inaccessible, that by contrast Satan's promises toward wordly wealth, psychological well-being at the expense of burdensome moral restrictions, women, fine parties, a hip social life among beautiful young yuppies, physical health, and many other things that could conceivably make life on *earth* so totally more confortable and convenient, that once again I find myelf beginning to thinkg that Satan is the one who understands human nature, simply by virtue of the fact that he's been hanging around the earth and trying to run the place for all these thousands of years, and that God/Christ, etc. have laid such a hard trip on us that it is virtually impossible either to do what is right in the eyes of a Perfect and Holy God, or to continue to believe that to devote one's life to Christ is the only possible solution in lieu of serving a devil who himself is obviously seriously lacking in any kind of ability to benefit the human spirit in the long run. Being as I'm leaving such a lengthy comment (and I'm getting kicked off of the library terminal at this moment) I'll close only by saying that the whole reason this came about is that I found myself burning through the $315 that Allen fronted me in order to help me move to Redwood City in virtually nothing flat. Where did it go? I just can't control my spending! I either gotta get married again, and let my wife handle the finances, or somehow get a handle on the common sense that is required for one to succeed, no matter how talented one might be in a specific field such as music. And I really, really prayed -- but I'm already down to the last ten bucks, and there's no way I'll ever make it to work on Monday, barring an absolute miracle. And given my current attitude, I sincerely doubt such a miracle is in the works, although of course I have prayed for it -- to a God I am ceompletely discouraged to have to serve.
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Old Jake - 2007-09-23 01:11:48
Thank you for your kind words, Andy. I pray that the Lord will help you through this and every trying time you have had, are having, and will have. Keep looking up and accept his mercy and His grace! He said, �My grace is sufficient!� I know it is hard to see from our vantage point but His ways are outside of our understanding, knowledge and wisdom. Healing is in the blood of Jesus and chomping at the bit wanting to anoint you with the healing power. I know that the talent you have, was given to you by God Almighty and that He has a plan for you to use that talent in His behalf. It is easy to make that be the number one focus in your life. However, I recommend that you don�t allow yourself to get ahead of the path he has laid out for that to happen. (Not saying you have, just a caution) I have done that my self at times.
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Andy - 2007-09-26 10:52:39
Jake, I just now (Wednesday morning) got to DiaryLand, though I've had nominal Internet access since I left that comment. I have moved back to the Bay Area and am working a full schedule. I'm doing better. Thanks for your words. It is always tempting to twist the usage of the talent that God has given me, and to use it in such a way that will not bring glory to His Name. You are right in that I need to resist that tendency. It's okay for a musician to play different styles of music to make a living, but not for a musician or writer to go too far off the deep end with odd spiritualistic speculations, as did William Blake, James Joyce, and others who, though brilliant, allowed their intellectual creativities to steer them into distorted alternatives to replace their formerly sound religious convictions. Blake returned to th Church toward the end of his life, but Joyce exalted his own Art above God's far superior creation, and this is the struggle of all artists, writers, composers, etc. Bach exalted God in his life as well as in his music Handel and Mozart only exalted God in their music. So you see the point I am trying to make, and the danger o which I myself am aware. Anyway, I wish I had more time to write, but I feel a little guilty using the common motel computer here for non-business purposes. I'll try to sneak in a DiaryLand entry at some later point today.
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